Each May we are reminded of our relationship with our Mother when Mother’s Day comes around. For many, it’s a wonderful day to celebrate. Then others, it is a challenging time– those whose mothers are no longer around, mothers who have lost children, and those with strained mother-child relationships. Step 9 of the 12 Step Program calls for making amends. If your mother is on your list of amends, here’s how to start.
Take Time to Evaluate What Went Wrong
Reflect on the past and the circumstances that led you here. How did you wrong her? What role did you play in what went wrong? Look at things from her point of view and try to empathize with how she might feel.
Take responsibility for your actions and apologize for hurting her. Address the mistakes you made and tell her that you understand why she is upset. It is a good idea to plan this ahead of time.
One of the most magical parts of practicing a 12 step program that may come in handy with making amends is learning to listen. Practice active listening without thinking about what you’re going to say next. Just listen to what she has to say and answer thoughtfully.
Avoid Being Reactive
Conversations about wrongdoing can be triggering for a lot of us. It is hard to keep from getting emotional and upset. Try your best to remain calm and take time to consider your words before you say them,
If it feels right, have a real heart-to-heart. Access your feelings and respond honestly to your mother’s words. Share a memory of her from when you were young. Thank her for bringing you into this world. Tell her that you love her.
Talk About How To Move Forward
Suggest ways in which you can repair and rebuild the relationship. This isn’t always an overnight process and may require hard work and patience. Maybe you can arrange a regular time to meet or talk on the phone. What are the ways in which you can continue to show up for her?